Divine Math

Professor McClain entered the station at 15:17 hours. I was almost caught up with the data. I had maybe one and a half reports to check over and authorize, and maybe a few meetings to schedule, and then I could take a day off. Professor McClain met Fife Tiberman in customs at 15:23 hours, about 50 meters from my office door. As soon as I heard the argument, I knew my free day was a shrinking hope.

"You must stop this madness," Professor McClain said. "We need to leave. Now."

"What are you talking about, Rudy? I like working here. I have my own place--with three whole rooms, including a hygiene closet."

"You need to get away from these people before it's too late. They'll take away your robots and stick an alien in your head. We have to go now--before they find me."

"You're in customs," I said, walking up behind him. "Not a very good hiding place."

Rudy spun around and looked at me in terror. I don't usually inspire that look, so I pulled back my shirt collar to show him my symbiont. Some people think my sense of humor is broken.

Rudy started jumping around and shouting nonsense.

I looked at Fife. He gave me a small smile and shrugged.

I raised my voice above Rudy's sing-song and asked, "Pointing, rude gestures, and stomping dances are a common event around here, but what's with the gibberish?"

"It's latin," Fife said. "Something about Legion, or the Belly of the Beast. I think old Rudy is trying to preform an exorcism."

I started laughing. I had to lean on the wall. When I saw Rudy's face, I laughed even harder. Just as I was catching my breath, Fife tapped Rudy on the shoulder.

"It's fine Rudy. I got one too," he said. "See? It's harmless."

Rudy took one look, screamed, and tried to run for it. I say 'tried' because he ran into the wall at full speed and knocked himself senseless. It was too much. I collapsed prone on the ground and didn't stop laughing until my vision went dark from improper breathing.

Fife was wringing his hands when I came up for air. "He gets these ideas... let's just say his obsessions can be useful, but I don't think this is one of those times. I need his help on a new project."

I stood up, watching four of Fife's spider bots attend to Rudy. "What are you doing with the bots?"

"They did a basic medical scan and adjusted his position for easier care and comfort."

"You don't have a control unit... that wand you had..."

"The medical scan was automatic. Wouldn't be much use otherwise. I need Rudy here to help with the lower level decision functions. He did his Master's thesis on the mathematics of the Divine. Other than that, he's brilliant."

"You know I hate that joke, Tee Man," Rudy said. "Is that really you, or did the alien eat your memories?"

"Yes, Rudy. This is me, and the alien DID eat my memories."

"Why did I come here?" Rudy moaned, pressing his hand to a rapidly growing lump on his forehead. "Why didn't I listen to mom? No one bothers monks. Especially not in some empty stretch of low grade nickel rocks on the back side of the Belt. Why am I always chasing after some school chum and praying the latest project won't be an offense to God?"

"We give you interesting problems," Fife said. "Buddy is here."

Rudy moaned louder.

"I'm serious. He's been out at Frost River, growing silicon in an organic matrix."

Rudy sat up.

Fife held out a hand and one of his mechanical spiders leapt into it.

"Whoa," I said, taking half a step back.

Fife held it out, and Rudy stood up to look at it. The back of the spider opened, and Fife pointed at a glob of dirt. "That silicon node contains a self-programming processor. It has simple learning and memory functions, as well as puzzle solving abilities. We need your help turning my survival routines, damage avoidance and such, into something closer to instinct. We want to grow it into the matrix."

"I'm going to hell," Rudy said, reaching for the bot.

I shrugged and went back to my office. Maybe Rudy couldn't save himself, but I could save my free day.